Moving On
by Platti
Summary: Now that Naruto's gone, Sakura found his Diary, shedding a bit of light on the blonde's life. How will this change her and Kakashi's, the only one's left of Team 7's, view of their late teammate? Rated T for future Violence or Language. No romance.
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Alright guys, I know I didn't ever finish two of my other stories, and I know I take a while to update, but I am determined to finish this one, if your feedback is positive enough, that is. :P**

**Also, this is just the Prologue, so remember to review, if you want more that is. Flames are okay, just make 'em constructive. Thanks. 3**

**Enjoy.**

_So, here's my story. I know the chance of somebody reading this is slim to none, but I can pretend, right? I know it's been a while since I've kept on top of writing something; I usually get bored with these things. But I'll try to document my life each day, if possible. For some reason, deep inside, I hope somebody does find this after I'm long gone, who knows…maybe it will even help someone. Maybe one day…let's not get depressing on the first page. I guess it's time I introduce myself properly! My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm a part of Team 7, which is no doubt _the _best Ninja team in the Hidden Leaf! Hehe, Sakura would smack me if she saw me say that…well, that's enough writing for now. 'til next time, journal nobody is going to read. _

Sakura closed the worn book, and fumbled around with its tattered edges, hoping she'd find the comfort she needed within its confines. Sakura Haruno, now much too old for her actual age, was broken. She was more broken than when Sasuke left. What killed her sanity the most was the fact that she lost both of her closest friends in one hard blow. If she thought about it long enough, and concentrated on all the memories, she could almost smell the rain in the air again; hear the same thundering voice in her head.

But she would stop it. In her dreams that made her relive it, she was able to stop them. In her mind, day in and day out, she wondered what all that training with Tsunade had done for her. She couldn't even save them…now all that was left of the team, was a shattered memory…and her and Kakashi Hatake. Even with him still there, stoic as he's always been she knew she wasn't alone. She also knew that he was hurting just as much as she was. Although he never admitted it, it was blatantly obvious that he blamed himself for more than he should. Just as she blamed herself for everything that had happened.

When did it come to this?

**I know it's short, but its**** the prologue, guys. Tell me what you think? :3**

**Enjoy!**

**Til later,**

**-Platti**


	2. Understanding Bar Fights

**Hey guys! Sorry for this being a little late and all, I had my Senior Prom, and job- searching and other notsofunbuttimeconsuming things.**

**Thanks to those of you who reviewed/alerted/faved! *gives cookies…or cake?***

**Enjoy this one! Review please? *puppy dog eyes***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…or Kakashi –sniffles-**

-_"What Are You Gonna Do With Your Gift, Dear Child? Give Life? Give Love? Give Soul?"- Creed_-

**Xxxxxx**

Kakashi sat at the bar, his drink's perspiration causing wet spots to appear on his finger-less gloves. The bartender was making friendly conversation, like he tried every night Kakashi was there, but the Shinobi wasn't listening in the least.

He unconsciously took another sip of his drink, not really all there. A creak of untended hinges hinted that somebody else had entered the murky bar. The bar top bent downwards as a man leaned his weight on its shaky surface. Kakashi glanced at the man from the corner of his one good eye. He was about his own height, short black hair, and…a forehead-protector bearing the symbol of Konoha hanging from his belt-loops on his loose jeans. _Another Shinobi, eh? _Kakashi thought, taking another sip of his slowly disappearing drink.

"Ah! Look who it is!" the man slurred, leaning a bit further towards the bartender, making the bar- top lean down even more. The bartender just ignored his presence as he continued cleaning out his shot glasses. He did, however listen intently to what was about to happen.

"You're the captain of the 'Legendary Team Seven', right?" The man was now eyeing Kakashi, and he didn't let it show that it was bothering him. The way he said 'legendary' was as if he was mocking them. _Don't let him get to you. _He thought to himself, trying to calm down a bit. His hand tightened around his glass, instinctively as the guy leaned in towards him, getting a closer look.

A second man- who Kakashi cursed at himself for not seeing or hearing before now- spoke up.

"Ah. The Team that had that Kyuubi brat on it?" he snarled a bit at the mention of Naruto. The first man just shook his head, as if he wasn't going to get into it. Kakashi noted that the new arrival also had a chakra signal. Too bad the guy on the other side of him- who was there when Kakashi had arrived- was a civilian.

"Yeah, that's the one." The first guy responded to the rude one's blatant question. A snort was heard from the new arrival, who Kakashi now dubbed 'Jackass'. Kakashi, albeit more than aggravated, just ignored the pair. They were drunk, anyways.

"Y'know…I'm glad he offed himself-", glass sprayed the bar's surface as Kakashi's hand bled onto the broken shards that remained in his palm. His one free hand gripped the bottom of his chair, trying to keep his anger in check. The loudmouth, however, didn't seem to pay any attention to the current events.

"Too bad he had to bring down the only lasting Uchiha with him…" he finished, smirking in Kakashi's general direction. The silver-haired man just sat there, blood now causing wet-spots to appear on his finger-less gloves. He ignored the wound and kept repeating the Shinobi rules of conduct in his head to calm himself down. It would work all the time for him when he was younger. To his discomfort, he realized that was not the case here and now.

As the bar-stool swung around in his hands, he realized that he might just kill somebody, or his pink-haired teammate would kill him…if Tsunade didn't beat her to it.

**Xxxxxx**

Sakura's hair fell in her face for the hundredth time. Her hand slowed down, and she moved to push the rebellious strands of pink out of her face. Tucking her hair behind her ears (again), she shifted in her uncomfortable office chair as her pen began its usual pace again. Paperwork. Just paperwork, like always. Sometimes, she would wish that an attack would happen somewhere so that she could be more occupied. When she wasn't so occupied (like at the moment) her mind tended to wander, which she was trying to avoid at all costs. When her mind wandered, it would wander to _that. _

She stamped the bottom of the –now completed- letter, and sealed it.

"There, all ready to be ma-", the pile of paper she had just finished swayed dangerously as her heavy wood door was slammed open in a carless rush.

"Sakura-san! You're needed in the Emergency Unit as soon as possible!" a nurse who's name she could not remember, spoke with a hurried confidence. She hurried away, just as fast as she had come in, this time with Sakura hot on her heels.

Two men laid on cotton white beds, beneath a nurse (who's name Sakura could not remember either). The nurse switched from one patient to the next, and exhausted aura oozing from her now dull green chakra poured from her hands into their wounds.

Sakura tapped the nurse on the shoulder, and signaled for her to leave them. She gave a look of pure relief to the pink-haired medic.

"Basic first-aid is done. It's not too bad, I'm just too exhausted to continue healing. They have a few broken bones, and some lacerations. Nothing too serious. Thanks." She said in an exhausted tone of voice. Sakura nodded, and made sure she was gone before she continued from where she had left off.

"What happened to you guys?" she asked gingerly, as she placed her hands on one man's face. She hoped like no tomorrow that this was not her recklessness from wishing for an attack. She began to sweat a little thinking about it, until the man began to speak.

"It was just a….bar fight." He couldn't talk very well, but that wasn't why Sakura didn't believe that it was just a simple bar fight. She glanced at his paperwork, realizing that his name was Hishari.

"Well, Hishari, this is a little more than I've ever seen in a 'bar fight'." She commented as she finished healing his face, pulling the skin back together so he looked like his old self all over again.

"You'll be just fine, please go down the hall, and the third door on the right. They'll give you some medicine for the pain." She smiled as she shoved him in the right direction. She crossed the distance to the other patient, smile still present on her face. Ty, the other patient, seemed to be better off out of the two. He only had a few bruises, and cuts. _He's either a damn good Shinobi, or he's a civilian… _Sakura thought as she fixed the bruises first, letting her chakra pour into him. He flinched a bit, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'm…a civilian. I got caught in between the two Shinobi." He explained as she examined his physique a little more closely. She nodded sagely, fixing his last cut, and gave him a smile.

"Do you perhaps know who the other one was?" she asked sweetly. Hoping he would. His brow furrowed as he thought.

"Well, I obviously don't know names of Shinobi…but he was…old, and a bit drunk." He smiled sheepishly, and apologized for being of no help.

"It's alright," she sighed and signed off on his clip-board, "third door on the right." She smiled like she did before, and he was on his way. Once he was out of eye-sight and hearing range, she threw the clip-board down on the now empty bed.

"Who would be so careless?" She sighed exasperated beyond all belief.

"Me." She knew that voice, and that tone. She turned around as fast as she could in her heels without falling. She was more than prepared to give him a rash of shit. That was…until she saw what he had looked like.

His clothes were a bit bloody, and torn in various spots. Bandages covered his arms from finger-tip to elbows. The dark glint to his usually stoic eyes made her 'rash of shit rant' freeze up in her throat.

"Oh…well…" she fumbled thinking of something to say when she realized that he was still a bit intoxicated.

"They deserved it." He bit out, almost like a little child who tried defending his right for a cookie. Another thing that she couldn't figure out was…if he was bandaged, why did he bother coming to see her, when he knew she'd no doubt be upset?

"You do realize that one of the people you attacked was not a Shinobi?" she asked, trying to mask her frustration with a ginger overtone.

"He's the idiot that got between the other ninja and I." Kakashi responded in a cool tone of voice, obviously not oblivious to Sakura's tightly wound nerves. She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Kakashi. What could they have possibly done to piss you off?" her hands were now on her hips; as if her body was saying 'don't you dare piss me off even more'. The change in his attitude was instant, and his now sobering glare threw her for a loop.

"You can't keep putting people in the hospital because they mention…them, Kakashi." She said softly. However, she was talking to his back as he walked out. She sighed and sat upon the now vacant bed that Ty had just been laying on. Her head in her hands, she let out a rough sigh that was the beginning of a fresh wave of tears.

"Goddamnit. I can't blame him." She whispered.

**Xxxxxx**

She sat in front of her usual comfort spot, in front of her fake fire-place with her feet propped up on the other chair across from her. Naruto's journal lay in her lap, open to the second entry ever. She didn't have the heart to quite look at it yet. She sighed as her thumb caressed the upper corner of the worn paper…_Fine, I'll read it. _She took a deep breath and fixed her eyes on the first sentence.

_Hey there…,_

_Today was a bit of a rough day. Sasuke's been cold and distant, as usual. I tried to get Sakura's attention…again. Kakashi seems to have something on his mind. From what I heard from the Third, he had something tragic happen to him when he was little…even younger than me. I think whatever it is, it's been bothering him lately. I'm just too scared to ask, and nobody else seems to notice…._

_I've also noticed that Sasuke is even colder towards Sakura today as well. Is it asshole day for him or something? Haha. The looks have started again, I hear that the chuunin exams are coming up, and people have been petitioning against me being allowed in…I haven't told anybody about this, so this will be our little secret, okay, buddy? I've gotta go and try and get some sleep now…I'm afraid I'll be having nightmares again. _

_ With Love,_

_ Naruto Uzumaki! _

Tears budded in the corner of Sakura's eyes. She couldn't believe that Naruto actually thought like this, she always treated him like he was a bit on the dull side, but it was obvious that he noticed much more than she gave him credit for. He noticed things that she didn't even fathom…like what happened to Kakashi. She shut the book and slid it to the other end of the couch as discreetly as possible as if somebody else was present and might catch her with it.

Her knees came up to her chest as she laid her head upon the tops of her knees. She tried not to think about it, but every night she kept thinking about all the 'what ifs' what if she had been there to stop Naruto from charging…? What if she could have somehow drugged Sasuke…or taken him down herself? What if Kakashi hadn't got so severely injured? She squeezed her eyes closed tight, as the tears leaked through. She was much stronger now than she was then, but it doesn't help what has already happened. She thought back to the look on Kakashi's face as he left the hospital. She sighed, he was the only one who was going through the same things that she was, she knew she needed his friendship, his companionship to get through the days that seemed to only get longer.

She also knew that he needed her as well…

**Xxxxxx**

-_"I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Won't Put My Hands Up And Surrender There Will Be No White Flag Upon My Door." - Dido-_

**Thar! It's a bit…long..? ish? Anyways! I hope ya'll lik e it :3 Review if you liked it! I'll see you next time, guys!**

**~Platti**


	3. Leave of Absence?

**Yoez, Guys! Platti here, with another installment :3 First I'd like to thank you guys who reviewed last time. **

**Elorix, wow you're my new favorite person haha, I really do try, and my writing isn't nearly as good as you make it seem D: I am so flattered though ^/^ **

**: Don't worry about your English! I can understand you perfectly :3 Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. (Dammit)**

_"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." _~J.R.R Tolkien

**XxxxX**

Kakashi sat on the edge of his bed, sleep eluding him again. His arms ached from his recent escapade. A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand told him that it was 2:38 in the morning. With a groan, he lifted himself off the bed and towards his dresser. He picked through his outfits, not that they were really all that different. Sighing, he stuck with the usual Jounin uniform.

Nights could be so unforgiving lately, Kakashi mused as he closed his door tightly, and making sure he heard the 'click' of the lock turning as he retracted the key. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and made his way out of the apartment complex. The sky was still pitch black, with stars littering its bleak surface. Kakashi stopped admiring such things after Team 7 split for good.

He couldn't lie to himself; he knew that he shouldn't have gotten so upset with the two men earlier. He could have seriously hurt somebody; his reputation wasn't for nothing after all. Sakura's reaction never left his mind, either. He supposed he should apologize for being so…angry. His foot connected with a rather large rock, and sent it flying. His heart sunk with the rock as he thought about just how much he hated showing her that side of him. She had enough on her plate; they both had enough on their plates without his mental issues.

Without even paying attention to the route he took, he ended up at the memorial, like every other morning. He knew it was unhealthy to be so…stuck in the past, but he couldn't help it. He was jaded, but he only let it show when he was alone…and when he was near Sakura. _If only she knew half of what goes on in my head…_he thought with a dry chuckle. It was definitely too early for Kakashi Hatake to be up and about.

**XxxxX**

Sakura sat at her dining room table, a steaming cup of tea in between her cold hands. The heat didn't seem to reach her, though. She shuffled her feet underneath the table, desperately trying to make them warm again. She almost, _almost _regretted actually getting out of bed. Not that it would have done her any good staying in it, since she couldn't actually sleep. _It's been so long since you've gotten a good night's rest! _Inner-Sakura, who was usually quiet anymore, scoffed lightly. _Yeah, like I had a choice in that. _Sakura retorted, and her counterpart slipped back into the shadows.

Exasperated, she shot up and dumped the tea down the drain, letting the cup fall into the sink with an almost shattering _clunk_. She headed for the door; it was 3:00 in the morning, what was the sense in staying indoors when she couldn't sleep?

As she scuttled down the sidewalk, she realized that dawn was still a few hours from arriving. She didn't really know where to go, so she went to the only place that she felt at home anymore. Her head was elsewhere, her feet already knowing the coordinates.

**XxxxX**

Tsunade grumbled as she noticed Sakura sneaking into her office so early in the morning. She was tempted to try and scare the wits out of her, but she decided against it, as the pink-haired medic plopped into a chair in the corner, a medical scroll in her hand. The Hokage wearily attempted to fall back asleep, giving her student the illusion that she was still asleep.

**XxxxX**

Sakura tried her hardest to be quiet, it was definitely not the first time that she had snuck into Tsunade's office this early…or late, could be the better word for it. It was one of the only comforting places left in the world for her. It was odd, but she could always find herself lost in medical textbooks or scrolls. She had a sneaking suspicion that Tsunade wasn't really sleeping, but she made sure to be quiet and out of her way regardless.

For the first time since opening Naruto's journal earlier, she thought of Kakashi. _I wonder if he's sleeping…_she felt bad for being so insensitive earlier. She knew he had emotional baggage long before Sasuke and Naruto died…but she just didn't know what it was. She could feel him distancing himself already…and it not only scared her, but it hurt her as well.

**XxxxX**

The dawn's light poured over the Hokage's faces, and spilled out over the other buildings in Konoha. Sakura's neck ached from sitting in the same position for hours. Tsunade had 'woken' up just a few minutes prior, and was trying to find sake already. Drawers opened and slammed closed with incredible noise. Looking up from her scroll, Sakura decided to say something,

"Are you looking for booze already?" she let her curiosity taint her tone. Tsunade stopped what she was doing and coughed,

"No. I'm looking for my…pen." She added the 'pen' part a bit forcefully. Sakura only shook her head, if she weren't in such a horrible mood, she would have chuckled at her Sensei's horrible lying abilities. No wonder she was such a horrible gambler…

"By the way Sakura…what happened last night?" Tsunade, who had given up on looking for alcohol at this point, inquired. Sakura looked up from her reading, her brows knitted together in confusion.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Tsunade rolled her eyes and shuffled the papers in front of her, so that they were an even pile again. She slammed them down on top of the other completed ones,

"Last night. The civilian and Shinobi you treated in the Emergency Unit. What happened?" she elaborated, making Sakura inwardly smack herself. Of course she had heard about it, and she no doubt already knew about the 'bar fight' that Kakashi had a part in.

"Well….," she trailed off, trying to find the best way to put it. "Kakashi was a bit…drunk and…angry." she still wasn't wording it right, and she knew that it would get him in trouble either way. Tsunade wasn't so forgiving when it endangered the lives of a civilian. Sakura bit her lip; _maybe sneaking in here wasn't such a good idea after all…._

"Hn. Shizune!" she yelled, making Sakura nearly jump out of her skin, luckily nobody else was around to witness her almost falling out of the chair. The telltale sound of heavy footsteps (indicating that somebody was running) resounded through the thin walls of the Hokage's office. Seconds later, Shizune burst onto the scene.

"Yes Tsunade-sama?" she asked, slightly out of breath, but still holding correct posture even though Tsunade was still her oldest friend.

"Could you fetch me Kakashi Hatake?" Tsunade wasn't looking at her, and neither was Sakura. Both of their eyes were downcast, trying to focus on something else.

"Yes ma'am." She said, still more than confused, but obliged otherwise. The door swung closed slowly, the hinges creaking the whole way.

"Don't give me that look, Sakura." Tsunade said dryly, as she started on a fresh stack of paperwork, barely glancing up as she spoke. Sakura glared daggers at the top of her head.

"You can't just leave it be?" Sakura tried to not snarl in the Hokage's general direction. Tsunade noticed this, but let it slide for once. Instead, she set her pen down and gave Sakura a deadpan glare.

"This is not the first time that he's done this when something's troubled him…" Tsunade's eyes dropped for a second, and returned to her student's face.

"What? This is the first time I've heard of it!" Sakura snapped, lack of sleep and the need to defend her friend making her a bit crabby.

"This isn't the first time that he's lost somebody, either." Tsunade said a distant look in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura questioned a little unnerved by the look on the other woman's face. It was as if it affected everybody, whatever it was she was talking about. The older woman did nothing but sigh.

"The last time Kakashi had something tragic happen to him, he did something very similar when some ignorant jerk mentioned his loved ones in a negative manner." Her hands were now supporting her chin, and the distant look wasn't as intense as it was when Sakura first asked.

Before Sakura could question her further, a knock was heard. For the second time that day, Sakura jumped, not nearly as noticeably this time though.

"Come in." Tsunade said softly, Sakura was surprised that he heard her through the door that's how quietly she spoke. Kakashi entered the room slowly, closing the door behind him. He glanced at Sakura quickly; shock evident in his one eye, then it was gone in a split-second.

"Kakashi, I'm sure you know why you're here." Tsunade said, evidently not wanting to go down this route with the younger man. Kakashi cocked his head towards Sakura, ever so slightly as if accusing her for telling the Hokage. Nobody spoke and an unsettling silence covered the room, smothering its inhabitants.

"I would assume it refers to the fight I had gotten myself into last night." He stated, rather than asked. Tsunade nodded sharply and fished around in her drawer, producing the bottle of sake she had spent at least a half hour searching for. She uncorked it and poured a glass for herself.

"I know you're not a stupid man by any means," Tsunade began as she took a sip of her sake, looking up at him as she did so.

"With that being said, I think you know that it is evident that I have to punish you for this, with it being your second time." Kakashi still didn't say anything; he opted instead to just stare above the Hokage's head at an imaginary spot on the wall.

She sighed, pouring herself another glass. Another pregnant pause engulfed the room. Sakura was trying her best to 'mind her own business' in the corner of the room. _What a perfect position to be in, to be isolated _she thought as she returned to her medical scroll as indiscreetly as possible.

"Are you listening to me?" Tsunade snapped, her anger slowly boiling. She didn't want to have to punish him in the first place, but for him to just ignore her was making it all worse.

"Yes." He responded curtly. Tsunade sighed, and let her aggravation show through.

"Normally, I would have to suspend you from ninja duties for a period of time….," she glanced at Sakura, for she visibly tensed at the mention of having to suspend Kakashi.

"However, given your past as an excellent Shinobi, and your recent…tragedy, I will cut you a break and…," at this point she let out a heavy sigh and continued, "I'll send both you and Sakura away." Sakura was definitely paying attention this time, not caring if she was being obvious anymore.

"What do you mean 'and Sakura'?" Sakura spluttered from her non-existent corner of the room. Kakashi didn't respond yet, it was obvious he wasn't sure how to react yet. Tsunade would have laughed if she wasn't in such a sour mood.

"Let me say it again," she huffed, pouring another glass of sake. _Shizune's going to kill me…oh well. _She thought quickly. "Kakashi, you are to bring Sakura with you on a…leave of absence, per se. You both have some…soul searching to do, as cliché as that may sound." Kakashi grunted. He wasn't the only one who was grunting, either. Sakura was mirroring his response quite well. She stood, her hands on her hips.

"What do you mean by 'leave of absence'? And 'soul searching'?" she snapped, not caring that this was her current teacher anymore. Tsunade's head pounded from her hangover, and the two 'brats' that sat in front of her.

"I'll tell you guys the truth. You're both falling apart. You have been falling apart since…," She became quiet and melancholy; everybody knew how close she was to the blonde trouble-maker. "Since Naruto and Sasuke passed away. This will do you both some good…give you time away from all the places that hold memories, to gain your strength back, mentally." She looked sincerely concerned about them as she folded her arms over her large chest, as if daring them to oppose her.

"I guess we don't have a choice in this." Sakura bit out as more of a statement rather than a question. Kakashi couldn't have agreed with her attitude more at this point.

"You're smarter than I gave you credit for." Tsunade snapped back, her attitude matching the pink-haired girls'. Kakashi sighed deeply, gaining the two women's attention.

"Like Sakura said, we have no choice. Can we have the details, please?" he said in a clipped tone. Sakura fell silent, giving in to the Hokage's will. If she was really serious about it, she could just have them thrown in prison until they agreed to her terms. Besides…how bad could a trip with Kakashi, to go 'soul searching' be? To her the whole 'soul searching' thing was really Tsunade's way of saying,

'It's either this, or the mental hospital on the fifth floor of Konoha's hospital.' Sakura didn't know how Kakashi felt about that, but she had absolutely no intention of going to that place until she was at least eighty.

"You're making us go to…Suna?" Kakashi drawled, he didn't particularly like the desert that much. Tsunade's eyebrows rose above her hairline in irritation.

"Is there a problem?" she snorted. Sakura didn't want to comment, but she wasn't too happy about the desert, either.

"Well….you see," Kakashi scratched the back of his head, in his old sheepish way that signified he was about to shoot somebody down innocently, "I don't like the desert." He deadpanned, completely ruining the affect that the head scratch had.

"Well tough lu-"Tsunade began, but was interrupted by the pink-haired woman,

"I don't like the desert either, Shishou." She added Shishou at the and as an extra measure. Kakashi let a small smile grace his lips underneath the mask at Sakura's coyness.

"Ugh. You two are insufferable. Fine, the only other one I have is…this one." She handed Kakashi a packet on a resort to Kakashi. Sakura glanced over his shoulder, as if she was a little kid again, and scrunched her nose at the name, "Onohana…never heard of it." Sakura whispered, mesmerized by the beautiful beach and mountainous background.

"How far away is this?" Kakashi grumbled, not too displeased with their new option.

"About three days, you go the same way you would to Suna, just a little further west, so you miss the desert completely. You'll leave immediately." She responded.

Well, it could be worse, right? Sakura and Kakashi both thought as they left the Hokage's office together. One wouldn't say that their spirits were completely lifted, but they were definitely higher than they usually were.

**XxxxX**

**Alright guys, I hope it's not too bad (I feel like I did horrible T_T) anyways, review if you want :3 See ya laters!**

**~Platti**


	4. CrabbyPants

**Platti here….**

**I'm really sorry for such a long wait, and a short/crappy chapter. =( I've been really sick, and using all my energy to get my money set for College so I can go this August. I'll try to update more often, and sooner, I promise. D: so I hope you enjoy this chapter, and review, if you want. **

"_He Was My __**best friend**__, I __**tried **__to __**help **__him…" –Nickelback_

_They say that with loss comes knowledge, and sometimes regret. I don't feel like I'm more knowledgeable. I do, however, have many more regrets than I'd like to admit now. Looking back on how I smiled and promised to save Sasuke…I feel ashamed. I should have known better, what could I do? I can't even save my best friend…the only brother I've ever known. He sees right through me…what scares me more than him going to Orochimaru is that it could have been me. I could have been the one who turned his back on this village…I've had more than enough reasons to. I mean..., never mind. I'm just gonna head to bed._

–_Naruto_

Sakura bit her lip in frustration. It was nightfall in the Fire Country, the tall trees swaying in an uneasy breeze that made the fire before the pink haired medic cackle in an almost mocking manner. A twig snapped here and there, as Kakashi moved about in the forest, searching for more firewood, and setting traps in random places; just in case. She wasn't sure if she was blessed for having found Naruto's journal, or cursed by Satan for the things that haunted her after she read an entry.

The twigs snapping came closer to her location in the woods, making her startle for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Without even thinking, her hand automatically went to hide the journal before Kakashi saw it. She felt a bit guilty for hiding it from him, Naruto was his teammate as well, but she wasn't sure if Kakashi would take it well that she was reading such personal stuff from the blonde.

A flash of silver hair emerged from the thick tree line, just in time to see Sakura's hand pull out of her backpack, where she stuffed the Journal. He seemed a bit curious, but didn't question it. Instead, he informed her of the river that was roughly north of their 'hang-out' as he put it.

"Is that your way of telling me to fetch water to make dinner with?" She said in a smartass tone. Even though she posed it as a question, she stood up and snatched the pail from its resting place on the other side of the fire. Kakashi smiled, his eye crinkling,

"Oh, you've gotten so perceptive over the years." He would've stuck his tongue out, for sure, if it wasn't for the mask that he always kept up (she had seen under it already, he just wore it out of habit now), or that he didn't feel in a lighthearted mood.

Sakura ignored the last jibe, and headed off towards where Kakashi had returned from. She could almost hear the trickling of water from their clearing, so it wouldn't be that hard to find. Meanwhile, Kakashi stoked the fire a bit, and found a long enough stick to be a poker. Trying to keep himself busy, he unpacked some instant ramen cups for the two of them, and set up the makeshift 'kitchen' above the live fire.

He had a nervous tick when he was impatient, or just bored, he would literally sit and twirl his thumbs to keep himself occupied. As he sat on the log, semi-inspecting his handiwork and semi-staring off, his thumbs took up their old habit.

Sakura dipped the pail into the freezing, forever flowing water, and shivered each time she did so. She hated to admit it, but for some reason she didn't want to sit around the fire with just Kakashi there, as awkward as it has been between them since she healed his fellow brawlers.

It definitely didn't help that the last time they sat around a fire was the night before they found Sasuke, Naruto was still there. He would laugh, crack jokes and even though he snored, it was like bringing home with you on each mission. Naruto could make an abandoned village home by just gracing it with his presence. As tarnished as Sasuke had made them all feel, he had the same ability. They were family. Her hands shook as she filled the pail for the last time, and tears dabbed at the corner of her eyes. She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She didn't want to cry over it anymore…

Kakashi had let curiosity get the better of him, which would explain why he was inching his way closer to Sakura's backpack every other second, keeping an ear and nose out for her return, saving himself from getting caught. As he unzipped the main pouch, he heard sloshing, and a lot of twigs snapping all at once. It sounded like an injured animal hoofing about or something, but he knew better. His better judgment told him to get the hell away from her stuff before she saw, but there was something pulling at the edges of his mind, telling him that he needed to see what the hell was in there.

A little more… he thought as the zipper rested at the bottom of its track now. He reached his hand into the darkness of her pack; as his head turned to watch the path she had gone down to get to the river, in case she popped her head out any time soon. He could still hear her trudging through the woods, which was good.

He took a second to look at what he had grabbed a hold of, when a shadow covered the flames, the makeshift kitchen and ready ramen cups.

"What are you doing?" she snarled, obviously more than upset at his invasion of her privacy. He didn't let go of what he had in his outstretched hand that was hovering just a little above her open bag.

"I was just looking for silverware." He said, the lie rolling off his tongue like honey. He gave an enthusiastic eye-crease in the process, hoping it'd mull it over better. Her arms crossed over her chest, and a fire was smoldering within her-he could tell-as she let her hands rest on her hips.

"You do realize that there is silverware next to the ramen cups?" She responded, in a clipped tone, anything but believing. He was so wrapped up in the overwhelming sense of curiosity that he didn't stop to double-check what he had done while he waited for her return.

"Oh…I guess I can stop looking, then." He said, discreetly letting the book fall back into the seemingly bottomless pit that was her backpack. She saw what he had let fall, but let it slide.

"I'd appreciate it if you respected my belongings, Sensei." The use of the word 'sensei' was more than enough for him to know that she wasn't happy. It had been a long time since she referred to him as such.

"I apologize." He said, albeit a little sincerely. Although, deep inside he knew he was sorrier that he didn't see what it was that she had seemed so adamant in hiding from him. She was becoming more distant than he wanted, and it scared him a bit. He knew what it was like to slip into a depression because of loss. It had happened to him more times than he'd like to admit aloud.

"Hey Sakura…" he began, cautiously. She ignored him for the most part, as she poured water into the pot that hung over the fire, waiting for it to boil so she could eat something that would hopefully overpower the sinking weight in the pit of her stomach.

"Sakura…" he began again, a little louder. She finished what she was doing and turned to watch him, inviting him to finish his sentence.

"I just don't want you to feel so alone in this. We're friends. We're in it together." He sighed, in the end not able to say what he really had set out to say. She just nodded, feeling less angry towards him, but still angry nonetheless.

Xxxx

The dawn's light trickled through the foliage that was overhead, casting shadows on their makeshift camping grounds. Neither of them really made motion to move and get up, it wasn't like they were on an actual mission or something. The air between them still seemed a bit tense due to Kakashi's 'breach of security' the night before.

A bird chirped overhead, taking flight from a branch towards the top of an extremely large tree. They both observed as he nose-dived towards the Earth, only to pull back up with all his might at the last second, and soar above the rest.

"We might as well get up." Sakura grumbled as she freed herself from the tangled blankets and sleeping bag. Just as she began rolling her own belongings up, Kakashi finally rose from the dead.

"Somebody's trying to catch that worm." He commented a little dryly. Sakura's brow furrowed as she suppressed her aggravation with the older man. She wasn't even sure why she was so aggravated with him. It was as if she just needed to be aggravated or at odds with him.

"What?" she snapped a bit as she finished slinging her stuff over her shoulders, making sure it was secure, in case – Kami forbid- they were attacked.

"You know, the early bird catches the worm? Either way, it's not like we're really needed anywhere." He said her crabbiness obvious and his lack of sympathy just as blatant. She ignored him as she finished bagging her things, being careful to erase the traces of camp. In the middle of the now empty clearing, Kakashi still sat on his bedding, his book laying in his cross-legged- lap. Sakura tried her hardest to not smack him into the nearest tree.

"Can you please get up? I don't know about you, but I would really appreciate getting there sometime this year." She almost, _almost _whined at the end to emphasize her point. Kakashi, if he wasn't so unlike his usual aloof-self, would have taken his time, just to make her aggravation rise. Instead, he did what was asked of him.

As they took off into the trees once again, he couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Two more days with crabbypants until we get there…"

"What did you just say?" Sakura asked calmly, from her position behind her ex-sensei.

"Oh, nothing, nothing…" he brushed her questioning off nonchalantly.

XxXxX

"One more day of traveling, and we should be there, right?" the pink-haired medic asked as she tossed another piece of wood onto the growing pile inside the ring of rocks for the fire. Kakashi was unpacking both of their sleeping bags, being careful not to get them too close to the now blazing fire.

"Yeah, if we stay at the same pace we had today, we'll get there by nightfall tomorrow." He responded as he rolled out his bed on one side of the fire, and hers on the other. As the slightly tattered burgundy sleeping bag rolled out, something square and hard fell out of the opening by the zipper.

A journal laid in the dirt next to the poker he had found for the fire, its cover was blank, except for a few unidentifiable stains here and there. It was black: simple, almost…boring. Definitely didn't scream Sakura to Kakashi. If he remembered correctly, another one of his ex-students had a journal that looked just like that… Dirt was kicked up by his foot as Sakura came around the fire to see what was taking him so long.

"Hey Kakashi, don't be trying to see my unde—"she stopped talking as she realized what had really caught his attention. He stood up abruptly and took a few steps backward, giving the girl her space.

"Um…" she didn't know what to say, _why am I freezing? It's not like he knows it's Naruto's. _She smiled, trying to perfect a lie in her head,

"It's always embarrassing when your Sensei finds your personal journal, eh?" She chuckled a bit forcefully for some emphasis. However, Kakashi wasn't even listening; he was already on his side of the fire, unzipping his bag.

"We should eat and then get some rest." He whispered, and if nobody knew that Sakura was there, they'd say he was talking to the trees. Without even acknowledging her any further, he began another brew for his instant ramen. She didn't know how to react, why's he being like this? It's just…

"G'night, Sakura." He said, already having finished his meal, and crawled into his sleeping bag.

"Good….night?" she was baffled…just what had happened?

xxXxxX

"_You're the only one to turn to…how come I feel like Nobody's there?" – RJA "Damn Regret"_

**Thanks for reading, and once again: I'll try my hardest to get better, and get this out quicker! I promise. Reviews are love 3 but only if you want =) **

**Til later,**

**Platti**


	5. Bloodstains

**Yo guys, Platti here again. I got it done quicker, because I had to get it all out while I still had it, that's why it may seem a bit rushed, I made it a little bit longer D: Hopefully that'll get some of ya happy enough to review…yeah…right. XD**

**Oh, and Elorix: I'll be studying Psychology while I'm in College, so I'll probably be rather busy, but I'll try my hardest =) thanks for the lovely review(s)! **

"It Feels Like I've been Falling so Damn Long." –"All Falls down" by Adelita's Way

Sakura didn't have the heart to read another journal entry, even though she was almost positive that Kakashi had finally gone off to sleepy-land. The way he had reacted was still so fresh in her mind and she just couldn't shake the sneaking suspicion that he had already known she was lying. As she tossed onto her other side, and stared at her teammate, wondering just what he was hiding.

The fire had long since died down, and the embers burned slowly and dully, casting an eerie glow on the two teammates, who seemed at odds even though one was sleeping, and the other was none-the-wiser. Sakura huffed a few more times, on the verge of begging her mind to shut up so she could get some sleep. A slight breeze picked up and she tucked further into her sleeping bag, finally able to still her thoughts, she drifted off.

Kakashi rolled over once her heard Sakura's even breaths, _sure took her a long time to fall asleep _he mused to himself, nearly aloud. It was surprising to the older ninja that she had actually believed that he was asleep. The last time he actually slept fully was so long ago that not even Kami himself would know. The last ember rolled over, and succumbed to the darkness, casting one last lick of light before it snuffed out. Kakashi watched it happen, and wondered how many people in the world could have disappeared just in that night like that little ember…

**Xxxxx**

The dawn's light dusted the tips of the trees, and flooded the makeshift campground. Kakashi was already up, his sleeping bag drawn into it's strings and sitting atop his backpack against a tree-trunk nearby. Now he sat cross-legged on a log in front of the fire, staring into it's depths as it cooked up his ramen…again. He sighed, he may be taking it slow, but he was just as happy as Sakura to be able to get to a hotel tonight, no more ramen, or at least he hoped. Sakura still slept soundly a few feet away from the flame's reach. Kakashi was trying to ignore the urge to find that journal again, this time without being caught, of-course. He just had to confirm it…

"Ramen, again? I can't wait to get to this hotel." Sakura yawned from her resting place, causing Kakashi to stir suddenly, making the pink-haired girl chuckle. He didn't bother answering her earlier question, assuming it was rhetorical. As she rolled up her bedding, Kakashi made sure to finish up his ramen before she got to the fire, so she could make her own. Still yawning, Sakura perched herself across from Kakashi, looking at the fire bleakly. The silence rolled in, and neither of them really wanted to think, let alone talk, about what had happened the night before. Sakura wasn't sure why she felt so awkward around her ex-sensei now, but it's almost as if she just _knew _that he knew now…

"Say, Kakashi, I feel as if we know nothing about each other." She didn't know why she blurted it out, but she wished she hadn't by the look on the man's face. She was just thinking out loud…

"I feel as if we know enough about each other." He responded, albeit a bit dryly. She tried to avert his gaze as she fixed a pot of water above the open flame, so it could boil.

"I'm sorry. I just figured since we're so 'close' we'd know a little more, that's all." She couldn't help the way she said 'close', and she could tell that it had quite the opposite affect than she wanted on the man. He tensed, and the last bit of broth he had in his bowl was dumped on the forest floor, intentionally.

"I think I'm going to take down the traps that are surrounding the area, and when I get back we'll head out again." Kakashi couldn't believe that he was letting it get to him, even though it was blatantly obvious that she hadn't meant it the way he took it. He tried to ignore the memories that resurfaced at the simple word 'close'. Close could mean a lot of things…like, 'Close the door', or 'You're my closest friend', or, the apparent one, "I thought we were 'close'". Kakashi swallowed his regret and anguish at the image of his old friend that popped into his head.

**Xxxx**

To say that the journey had been an awkward, silent, unpleasant one, would have been a grave underestimation. Sakura was still kicking herself in her ass for her earlier comment when they saw the city limits of Onohana. For the first time since their disagreement during breakfast, Kakashi turned to her and gave her a small eye-crinkle.

"We're here." It was simple, but in a way she had felt like he forgave her for whatever it was that she had done. _Maybe Tsunade was right…I do need to do some soul-searching…I feel as if I've lost myself amongst all the sorrow and my work…_Sakura thought as she gave a small smile back, and nodded her head.

"Ladies first, right?" He made a grand gesture with his arm, welcoming her into the city before himself. It wasn't a large city, almost a village, actually. It seemed serene, and definitely a good place to go for a little vacation, especially for Shinobi. The houses were rather close to each other, and a lot of the neighbors shared yards, but it helped create the overall scene of happiness. Sakura smiled as she remembered when she was a little kid and her neighbors use to watch her, because like most of the people here, she also shared a yard with her neighbors. She was lucky though, they had kids that were her age, so she was rarely lonely. The only problem was that they were civilians, so she couldn't play certain games with them that she could with Ino and the others.

"I think that's the one we're looking for!" Kakashi nearly exclaimed, more than happy to be almost to a place that had good food. Sakura followed his finger and saw a building that loomed over some of the ones around it, but wasn't the tallest by far. She was thinking so hard to herself that she hadn't realized that the dirt road had turned to paved roads, and sidewalks. The buildings got bigger, and more modern. _Interesting _Inner Sakura mumbled for a second, before slinking back into her hole.

Sakura nearly ran through the glass doors, with Kakashi following not too far behind. The lounge they walked into was a little bit rich, yet looked casual as well. Almost like the city itself. Kakashi wasted no time in checking them in, as Sakura took everything in. The couches were a creamy beige color, as were their counterparts (the stools). Four pillars formed a square around the couches and chairs that led up to a sunroof, which illuminated it all. To her right there was a small convenience-like store, with candy and drinks, and some Souvenirs.

Kakashi smiled sadly as he watched her, for the first time in a long time, smile genuinely. _Maybe Tsunade doing this to us wasn't so bad, it's been a while since we could let our guard down completely…no harm in a Shinobi taking a few off…right? _He nearly argued with himself before he shook his head and called out to his fellow partner-in-crime,

"Oi! Do you wanna check out the rooms, or not?" he almost regretted saying anything, for her face fell, as if she was pulled unwillingly out of a good natured reverie, and she nodded. They made their way to the elevator, and punched in the button for the fourth floor. The elevator music wasn't very catchy, Kakashi noticed as he went back to his old nervous habit of twirling his thumbs. Things still seemed a bit awkward between the two of them.

As the elevator lurched to a stop, the doors creaked open, and revealed a large suite to the travel-worn pair. Smiling from ear-to-ear, Sakura snatched the keys to room 219 from Kakashi's light grasp. He just shook his head for the umpteenth time, and headed to his room – 218. As he entered, he noticed that it was just your average run-of-the-mill hotel, a nice large bed, a nightstand with a lamp. A writing desk in the corner near the window, a television sat on a stable dresser, which sat next to a wardrobe that had hangers in it's depths. He ignored the urge to check out the bathroom, and fell into the bed.

"Kakashi! Our rooms have doors that connect them!" She was giddy as she popped in on her exhausted ex-sensei. He just smiled at her, his mask now gone so she could see the whole picture. She smiled back, and left him to his own devices.

**Xxxx**

Happy to finally be alone and in a peaceful place with a full stomach, Sakura sat atop her bed, Naruto's journal opened to the next unread entry. She knew she shouldn't be bothering with it after Kakashi's reaction before, and knowing that he could very well walk in at any moment. She ignored the warnings her mind said as she began to read.

_ So, today wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I'm still too ashamed to show my face around the village too much. I'm also avoiding _his _letters. I still can't seem to focus on much besides training, I'm afraid that if I try to do something else with my thoughts, or even my actions, I'll lose myself again. I mean…I've been hiding it all very well lately; even Kakashi-sensei has left me alone. That means I'm getting better at hiding the scars, right? I know how pathetic this must seem to you, Journal. I mean…why should I bother explaining anything to you? You can't even talk back to me! I guess you find solace in anything you possibly can, huh? _Sakura froze, before she read the next sentence, she stared at the burgundy stain that drenched the end of the page, realizing it for the first time since she opened the journal to read it that night. _Just what was he doing to himself? _She thought to herself, too shocked to even say anything else to her inner musings, far too shocked to take her finger off the old bloodstain, too shocked to even cry.

_Why Naruto of all people? Just how bad was he hurting…? _She cried aloud in her head. Whenever she thought of the blonde-haired 'knuckle-head ninja', he was always so happy, so warm and bright, like the sun in a way. He was considered the hero of Konoha before he was killed…she didn't want to have to read any further thinking like that. She couldn't take it, knowing that something as this was going on around her and she had no prior warning.

"You know…some things are better left unknown." Kakashi broke through her inner thoughts. Sakura jumped and before she could say anything, Kakashi was standing before her, his eyes cast to the side, the Sharingan spinning slower than normal.

"What…what do you mean?" she choked, trying to ignore the stinging of tears that threatened to come up.

"You know damn well what I mean." He nearly growled as he forced himself to look her in the eyes. Sakura gasped, that look…he was sad…so sad.

"You knew?" she asked, getting a little bolder as she closed the journal as inconspicuously as possible, and sliding it across the bed.

"About what?" Kakashi had his hands shoved in his pockets, and his slouch was worse than normal. She knew he was just trying to get her to say it, to think out loud for once.

"That he was hurting himself." She was surprised at the amount of energy it took from her to get it out there. Kakashi's eyes darted to his feet, which was very unlike the silver-haired man. He never looked away from somebody, not even when he was caught doing the worst of things.

"I suppose I did." His voice trembled a bit at the end. Sakura wanted to reach out and console him, but another part of her resented him. _How could you know of such a thing and not tell anybody else? Were you afraid he'd be mad or something? _Her inner voice was rising, threatening to spill out into reality's vacuum.

"Sakura…I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say, not that it was entirely his fault. Sakura was the one who looked the other way this time as he attempted to catch her eyes again.

"Why didn't you…tell somebody?" she bit out, ignoring the pain in her chest as she thought about all that Naruto must have been going through, of all the things that Kakashi could possibly be hiding from her. How much did he know about Naruto's true feelings? He sat on the edge of her bed, and she resisted the urge to tell him to get off, to get up and just leave, to never come back. Her temper was wet with her sorrow.

"I…don't know, exactly. I guess I wanted to believe that it wasn't true, and by the time I had admitted that he had a problem, that I needed to help…I-" he stopped talking and held his head in his hands. He pulled on his hair, and with the most helpless look he'd ever worn, looked at his friend,

"It was too late." He finished, forcing the bile back down his throat. Sakura's bottom lip trembled as she clenched the comforter beneath her in her fists.

"Please leave my room." She asked quietly, she needed her space, she needed to think.

"Sakura, look, I'm sorry, I just-" she cut him off with a sharp wave of her hand, that caused her wrist to crack a little.

"Leave. Please." She was on the verge of breaking down, and she didn't want him to be there to see. She didn't want to do it in front of him. He nodded as if his head was weighed down by his pain.

"I really am sorry…" he whispered as the door closed gently. She sat there, the journal glaring at her from it's place next to her pillow. She bit her bottom lip until it bled and the tears streamed down her face.

"When will things get easier?" the broken whisper escaped her lips.

"_Like Dust to Dawn, Isn't That the Way? Everybody's Got Their Dues in Life to Pay."—"Dream On" by Aerosmith._

**There, a little bit longer, and I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed, I just wanted to get it done while I still had the motivation, and I only have one reviewer anyways so….xD**

**Till later,**

**-Platti**


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